While She Sleeps: The Dirty Heroes Collection Page 10

  18

  Logan

  I lean my head against the door. My palm flat against the wood, as if I can feel her through the thickness of it. I know she’s right on the other side. My body aches to be near her. She’s done something to me, broken through walls I’ve built and burrowed herself inside me.

  Over the past week, all I’ve wanted was to feel her, to touch her like I did last night, and then I ended up hurting her. She can deny it all she wants, but I know what I did. Losing control like that has guilt weighing me down. My gut is heavy with the dark emotion that’s eaten away at me over the years.

  Vera isn’t like other girls. That’s a fact. But I can’t be near her if she allows me to do what I did last night. She passed out and seeing her limp body was an aphrodisiac, which is why I need to send her away. It’s wrong on so many levels. I shouldn’t want her like that, but I do.

  I thought I could be normal when she tasted me. The moment her delicate hand wrapped around my dick, and I watched her lie down, eyes closed, I hardened again, and I thought it would work, but the more I craved her, the worse my control got.

  I snapped.

  I shouldn’t have.

  “Logan, I want you to do it again,” she speaks up again. “I want you to hold me down on the bed, touch me while I sleep. I want you to find pleasure with me. I’m not afraid of you.”

  I want nothing more than to do what she asks. I want to storm into the room, hold her, keep her, but I know she doesn’t deserve this life. My mind is a mess, torn between doing the right thing and taking what I crave to own.

  I move down the stairs until I reach my phone. No messages. I hit dial on the number I should’ve called yesterday. I want to tell my father that he can’t have her, that she’s no longer his to take.

  I settle in the chair, hitting the display of the cameras, and before my contact can answer the phone, I kill the call to stare at the screen before me. He found her apartment. Thankfully, they can’t track her here. He won’t know where she’s gone. I made sure her computer, phone, and iPad were all offline before coming here, so there’s no way for him to find us.

  To find her.

  Silence from above greets me, and I hope she’s finally asleep. My gut churns with the guilt of what I did. I made a mistake, the reminder of that is clear in my mind. I should never have touched her. Watching her body go limp, waking her back up, and then watching her slide into a dreamless sleep beside me was what I clearly needed to make the decision.

  I’m going to face my father. It’s been years, and I ran for good reason, but now I’m going to return for an even better one. I want to fix myself, mend the brokenness about me so I can give her what she needs.

  Every thought I have of walking away from here burns me from the inside out. I can’t watch her leave, and I can’t send her away. Even though I know, I should. I can’t love her, but I can make sure she’s safe and happy.

  My phone rings, dragging me out of the moral dilemma I’m going through, and I see Dax’s number on display. Swiping the screen to answer, I press the phone to my ear.

  “What’s up?”

  “He’s on the warpath,” Dax tells me, no greeting, straight to business. “I doubt he’s going to give up any time soon. Are you sure you’re well hidden because I have a feeling that he’s pulling out all the stops with this?” His tone is urgent, which only seems to make my stomach twist into a tighter knot than it’s been in for a long while.

  “I am. She’s . . . she’s with me, and I’m not prepared to let her go,” I tell him. “I can’t let her go.”

  “I have other news as well,” he speaks. His voice is controlled, tone calm and collected, but I have a feeling what he’s about to tell me is far from it. But I’m met with silence. I pull the phone away, checking to see if the call is still connected. It is.

  “Dax?”

  “It’s your mother,” he tells me, causing my body to grow stiff, tense with fear that my father has killed her, or worse, maimed her and tortured her. “She’s gone. We’re not sure where. I have my men working on tracking her, but he’s not giving anything away.”

  I think about the times she called me, and I ignored her. I should’ve answered. I wasn’t a good son, not one to spend time with her, or even sit and talk to her, but I loved her, nonetheless. I think when I finally realized how precious life was, it was too late for me to ever make amends.

  “I need her found, or I’ll find my father and kill him.”

  “It will be easier said than done. He’s upped his security. Nobody is coming within a few feet of him except the whores he’s hiring on a daily basis.” Dax’s words are laced with disgust. “He was in the club last night,” he tells me. Dax owns a club called Inferno, where he has dancers on stage and private rooms just for those with enough cash to throw at the beauties who work there. The difference between Dax and my father is that Dax is a good man. He looks after his girls, giving them a sanctuary from their pasts.

  “Was he alone?”

  “He had two girls hanging off his arms, but he didn’t go into any of the private areas. Met with another man, not sure of his name yet. I’m having Theia go through the sign-ins from last night. Once we have a name, I can send men in to question him.”

  “Thanks for doing this, man,” I tell him. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Dax. After going into hiding, I didn’t want to be found, and heading back to the city would just make matters worse. So, I’ve kept in touch with Dax through calls, emails, and yet, at times, I wonder why he’s still stuck with me for so long.

  “You know I’m only a call away. And to be honest, I hate assholes like your father.”

  I have to agree with him. “Me too.”

  The story of Dax and his submissive, Theia, would make anyone’s skin crawl. Her father was an asshole of note. When they took him down, there was a lot of pain and heartache, not because she missed her dad, but because she found out what he did to the family, to her mother.

  “I’ll find your mother; my men are working on this twenty-four seven.”

  “I’m thinking of coming to you, leaving Vera here. She’ll be safe, and he won’t know where to look. I can’t stay here when I know my mom is out there somewhere. What if he’s hurt her?”

  “You can’t risk being seen, Logan.” I know Dax is right, but with my mother gone, the game has changed. If something happens to her, it will be on me, and that’s not something I could ever live with. Even though I wasn’t the best son in the world, she was my anchor, and if Herbert has done anything to her, I’ll fucking kill him.

  “I can’t risk my mother getting hurt because he’s angry with me,” I tell Dax.

  He’s silent for a long while, then sighs. “Listen to me. He can just as easily kill you the moment you step foot in the city.” He’s right, I know he is, but I could never forgive myself for it if I didn’t try.

  “I’ll think about it.” My voice is hoarse, my throat dry. I can’t think of a worse fate than seeing my father again, but I’m stronger. I’m more volatile than the boy he once knew.

  “Talk soon,” Dax tells me before hanging up. I sit back, staring out the window overlooking the forest. Being locked away in the middle of nowhere has its perks. But deep down, all I want is for Vera to be safe, to be with me. The last thought glares at me, spinning in my mind. I want her, and I know she wants me. She’s made it clear. Even after what I just did to her last night, she tried to convince me I’m not a monster.

  Can this truly work?

  Is she the one who’s supposed to be mine? To cure me.

  A knock on the door upstairs jolts me into action. It’s time I made sure I can trust her. I’ll give her an inch of freedom, and if she takes advantage, I’ll know she needs to be locked up.

  It’s difficult to let go, to allow someone inside when all your life you’ve spent it hidden in shadows. Alone. I’ve been lonely for so long, it feels strange to have someone here, to have company. Someone to talk to.

 
I stand before heading up the steps and stopping just outside her door. She knocks again, and I lay my hand on the cool wood. Can she feel me? I wonder.

  “Logan?” Vera calls my name, and every nerve in my body sparks to life. “Logan, I need the bathroom,” she pleads and my heart twists. The sincerity in her tone, the way she speaks does things to me. It tears and rips at the darkness molding around me and flicks light back and forth in my mind.

  She’s everything good in this world.

  And me… I’m everything bad.

  But like the saying goes, you need balance to exist.

  19

  Vera

  The door opens, and Logan stands there looking tired. He hasn’t slept, I can tell by the way those dark circles under his eyes seem more prominent now than they did yesterday. The sun hasn’t risen, and he’s still dressed in the clothes he had on when he left my room.

  “You know where the bathroom is,” he tells me before turning and making his way back down the steps. My mouth falls open, but no words come out. He’s trusting me to be up here alone, not locked up.

  Has something changed?

  Is he feeling guilty because of what happened?

  Shaking my head, I pad over to the bathroom and shut the door. I try not to consider what could’ve transpired as I relieve myself and then wash my hands. When I look at my reflection, I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me. I feel different. But I’m not sure how it happened.

  Was it what happened earlier?

  I pull open the bathroom door and step out into the hallway. Taking note of the doors, I find mine still open, and another one in the far corner shut tight. But I don’t go to it; instead, I head downstairs where I find Logan sitting at the kitchen counter looking at his laptop.

  “Am I… Am I in trouble?” I venture deeper into the large open plan space. The living room is homely, with a couch that looks like it’s seen better days and a throw rug that matches the one in my room. No tv, no sound system, nothing else but the small wooden coffee table and the sofa.

  “I decided that if you’re going to be here, I need to trust you,” he tells me. He shuts the laptop lid before meeting my questioning gaze. “And I need you to trust me.”

  “So, I’m no longer a prisoner?” I smile, hoping he’ll notice the humor behind my words. I don’t want to make him angry.

  It takes a while before he chuckles. “No, you never were a prisoner, I just needed you to hear me out.” His voice is gruff as if he’s just woken up from a deep sleep.

  “After our… I mean, after we…” My words fail me in the moment I need them most. “I meant what I said, Logan.”

  He tips his head to the side, his dark eyes regard me in silence before he finally asks, “What you said?”

  I nod. “I want this, I… I’ve always thought about you. For a long time, I hated you. It was anger that took over, and I blamed you for walking away and leaving me to be bartered off to your father.”

  I don’t know if this is the best time to be confessing everything, but if he’s allowing me out of the room, he needs to know how I feel. What I feel.

  “I wanted to hurt you to… I don’t know, just hit you and make you feel the pain I did. My heart hurt, Logan.” This time, there’s a flash of guilt in his stare, before he shakes his head and turns away from me.

  “I never meant to hurt you. But you could understand how I felt when my father brought me to your house.”

  “I do. Now I do, back then, I didn’t understand.” I settle on the stool opposite him and clasp my hands on the countertop. He takes my fist in his larger hands and holds them tight.

  “I never wanted to be like him, to take without consent. It’s how my father made his business successful. He stole, he broke the rules, and he hurt people without a second thought.”

  Agony laces Logan’s words, and I wonder what it would’ve been like to grow up in a world like that. With a father who was so evil, so vile.

  “I’m sorry you dealt with that,” I tell him. “I… I guess I was lucky, my dad was mostly a good man.”

  “He is a good man. He’s not dead, Vera,” Logan is adamant as he speaks. “I’m sorry for stealing you, kidnapping you.” He lifts his gaze to mine, sincerity shines in his eyes, and I nod.

  “I know you are.” The heat of his hands warms me, both inside and out. Affection isn’t something I’m used to, and I have a feeling that Logan isn’t someone who offers it to just anyone. At least, he doesn’t look like a man who can be gentle.

  “What are you thinking?” he asks as if he’s trying to read my mind.

  I shake my head, dropping my gaze to our connection, and I hope I come across unaffected by my mind playing dirty scenarios on a loop. “Nothing,” I tell him, but I can feel my cheeks heating from the lie.

  “It has nothing to do with what happened earlier?” he questions, causing me to look up at him again. “Tell me, Vera. I was so afraid I hurt you.”

  “You didn’t. I would’ve told you if you did.” He doesn’t seem convinced, so I pull away from him, slipping off the seat to round the counter until I’m beside him. I lean in and allow my lips to brush against his cheek. The stubble tickling me as I press a kiss on him.

  “Fuck,” he mumbles out the curse word. “You do things to me, Beauty,” he tells me.

  “What things?” I want to coax all his secrets from him. I want to learn who the man beneath this cold exterior is. “Tell me the things I do to you, Logan because I’m sure that they’re the same things you do to me.”

  Silence hangs between us, like a heavy storm cloud. There are sordid secrets that I know he’s hiding. If I had to be honest, I am hiding my own. My fantasies may run differently than most women’s, but with Logan, I am sure I can finally realize them and not feel ashamed.

  “Nobody has ever understood my needs,” he finally whispers, breaking through my thoughts. “I was convinced that I would be alone forever, and I was okay with that. I had come to terms with it.”

  My heart aches in my chest at his admission. I felt the same for a long time. I told myself that I could never have a man in my life who could make me feel the way I needed sexually. My craving for force, for the helpless feeling, isn’t something that everyone would be willing to attempt or to even discuss.

  “I know what you mean,” I tell him. “I was on that website because I needed an outlet.”

  Logan snaps his gaze to mine, his hands find purchase on my hips, and he pulls me between his thick, muscled thighs. We don’t speak, we just stay there, silent in the darkness.

  “You make the crazy inside me less intense,” he tells me. “Since the first moment I stood in that meadow with you, I felt it. This strange calm took over me, and I couldn’t let it go.”

  I nod slowly before placing my hands on his shoulders. “Then don’t send me away, Logan. Don’t push me away,” I tell him. “I’m not running. I’m not afraid of you.”

  “You should be.”

  “Well then call my stupid because I’m not,” I retort hotly, and for a moment, I think I’ve upset him, but then he laughs. The sound so foreign, yet it speaks directly to my heart.

  “Let’s go to bed,” he finally says before scooping me up and taking me to the bedroom door that I noticed was shut earlier. He allows me to reach for the door handle and twist it.

  When he steps inside, I notice how manly the room is. With black curtains and bedding, a dark brown throw rug. There aren’t any feminine touches to the space, not like my room has.

  “Are you okay to stay here with me?” he questions as he sets me on my feet. “You don’t have—”

  “Yes,” I interrupt him. “I want to.” And I know I’m making the right choice.

  20

  Logan

  It’s been a couple of days. She’s steered clear of me, except for food and coffee. Vera has sat on the couch a few times reading, and I could feel her eyes on me. I decide today I’m going to attempt a normal conversation with her.

 
When I hear feet padding down the steps in the mid-morning, I know Vera is awake. It doesn’t take her long to reach me where I’m perched at the kitchen counter.

  “Good morning,” she says before she plants a kiss on my cheek before making her way to the cabinet to grab a mug.

  Most of the cupboards don’t have doors, so it’s easy to find anything in the kitchen. I take note that she’s wearing one of my T-shirts, with no pants. Her long, lithe legs look good enough to spread and devour, but I turn my attention on my work. I can’t do this, not just yet. I need to focus.

  “You look perky this morning,” I remark as she sets herself on the stool opposite me where she sat last night.

  “I feel like things are about to change, for the better,” she tells me with a smile that lights up the whole fucking cabin. “I mean, once we get the jump on your dad and stuff.” She looks so innocent as she leans on her elbows, holding her cup and sipping the hot coffee. The tee she’s wearing slips off her shoulder, and I take in the smooth, creaminess that peeks at me.

  “You wearing my clothes now?” I question, arching a brow at her.

  “Yeah, well, I don’t have much here since you didn’t really pack a lot for me.” She shrugs nonchalantly, and I can’t help but chuckle. “I like the cabin,” she says suddenly, stilling me.

  “You do?” I wouldn’t have guessed she’d like this place. For me, it’s heaven, but for a girl who grew up in a city like Chicago, I would’ve thought she would prefer the hustle and bustle. Even though I found her in Pine Lake, I thought that was because she was hiding out, not because she liked it there.

  “I’ve never been a lover of crowds,” Vera confesses, dropping her gaze to the mug. “I feel like I was born into the wrong family, into the wrong life.”